| The Less Interesting Info.. more to come! |
[07 Aug 2007|01:47pm] |
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mood |
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cheerful |
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Again, I haven't posted in a long time. I looked my last few posts and I had to laugh. So much has changed since then. I'm finally smiling again! I have a wonderful boyfriend that loves me for who I am *Matt*, my music is coming along, and well, I am living with my grandparents, but it's better than "home". I leave for school in a week and honestly, I could wish for it more. Matt will be coming to visit this weekend and then will be staying with me for a week down in west chester at my apartment! :) Yay! As most of you know, I am what some would call a "worrier". Therefore, I would be constantly worrying if Matt and I will work, but to tell you the truth, I haven't been. My main concern in the distance (KY to PA) not a cool distance at all. I look forward to the months ahead however, starting at west chester without a monkey on my back. I won't be held back anymore. I will be myself and I will have fun! I might miss Matt, but hey, at least I have him! :-P Life's moving steadily and so far, so good. So the general gist is that summer has been boring and I have an awesome bf :) wooooo
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[23 May 2007|11:50pm] |
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So, I haven't posted in the longest time...I've been thinking a lot about how I seem to be different from so many ppl I know. I don't laugh that much, I mean, I laugh when it's funny, when it's worth laughing for. I don't laugh at everything. I'm not (nor ever will be) a giggler. I've found that when I'm home, I feel more necessary to people. Mrs. Thurston still adores me, Mr. Sempeles can't wait for me to study with him again, I'm going to be performing that the Whitacre Center sometime this summer and everyone at my job seems to like me. When I'm at wcu, I feel as though everyone's competing, no one cares, and no one's nice. Maybe my problem is that I care too much? I dunno. At home, most ppl like me, I'm loved and cared for. When I'm at school, I'm just "that girl" and I'm sick of it. Even though I try to stand out, I try to make a difference, I can't seem to manage it. Maybe I'm not supposed to, I dunno. *sigh* I wanted to rant originally, but I'm just sick of hearing myself at this point. At least it's summer....
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[28 Oct 2006|04:19pm] |
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bouncy |
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THE NATIONAL EXAM IS FINALLY OVER! YAY! So yeah, last night I took my national exam for SAI which wasn't NEARLY as bad as i thought it'd be. Went out afterward. My biggie-po gave me the best necklace ever and i'm just so happy it's over! I'm sitting here at work, being bored off my booty and looking at my music history hw thinkin' "you're more boring that a peanut"... but anyhow....
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[26 Oct 2006|03:48pm] |
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cheerful |
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Alrighty, I'm bored. Anywho.... This semester has possibly been the roughest yet and I'm like "WTF, mate?" Those of you that know me well.. when was the last time I got a 1)77% 2)on a midterm 3)after studying like mad??????? Um.. NEVER! Argh. I found it amusing that class average for Sociology was a 68%.. that's right folks the CLASS AVERAGE. I'm an MIT (member in training) for Sigma Alpha Iota, which has been a true blessing... though it could possibly make me insane at any given moment. Meh. Now I'm bored with posting... zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
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[15 Oct 2006|03:55am] |
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mood |
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confused |
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So here I am, at home on fall break. I feel extremely unstable with everything in my life, therefore I'm going to rant about it. What else is there to do at midnight on Saturday in Etters, PA? Not much. First thing, I don't want to be a music major anymore. I don't know where God wants me, I feel like it's still music, but I just don't love it like I used to. Secondly, academics. I feel so overwhelmed. This may sound totally arrogant, but I've never had to study this hard for classes before in my life. Thirdly, my family. I feel like they never understand me. I want to get out of PA. Nothing too unclear in that statement. Just get me the hell out of here. I would love to go to FL. I went there this summer, and fell in love immediately. I'm sick and tired of crazy whether, bad roads, stupid ppl (i know i know, they're everywhere), snow, and bleh. I loved the palm trees, the weather, annnnnd the stars in FL. They glimmer, not just shine, and make me feel so much better. I like the idea of being only an hour or so away from Disney (one of the few places I feel truly, yet oddly, at home). I love that the speed limit is 70. I love being able to sit on the fountains and eat ice cream and talk of small nothings. I love so much about it. Seeing as how my parents won't let me go there this summer, I think I'm going to shoot for living there once I graduate, even if it's only for a small while. *sigh* I've felt so jumbled lately. My relationships are confusing me, especially Glenn and I. I love him so much, but I know in my heart that dating him just isn't an option right now. I hope that maybe sometime in the future, but seeing how much I miss him right now, just doesn't seem right. He's my best friend, yeah, but I don't miss Allie this much or anyone else for that matter. I truly love him, he's been the best friend that I've always wanted (and haven't wanted). I miss the niceties of being in a relationship, but I like being just friends too. I'm in a state, where, if I listen to certain music, I want to cry. Other music makes me angry. I'm burning out from school work. I want to go to FL. I feel like I'm on the brink of crying so often lately that it's getting ridiculous. I try not to let it show. It certainly doesn't help that this past week has been hell. I must admit, it's nice sitting here on my own bed, in my room, in my house, with my fish and rocking chair and warm, cozy clothing, but I feel so lost. My friend's been telling me I need to go pray. Somehow, I always forget, but I know I should. Maybe attempting to do all this by myself is a bad idea. Tonight I went back to my high school to pick up a friend so that we could hang out. I walked up to find her and felt waaaaaaaay out of place. I definitely didn't fit in and half the dresses the girls were wearing.. we never would have gotten away with. I was talking to a few girls that i knew, and felt old... "I remember being in hs... God, we never would have gotten away with those dresses.. two years ago! no way!" .... OLD. I couldn't believe it'd been two years ago that I had done the very same thing, two years that all those things felt like old hat to me. Now it's just petty child's play. To be quite honest, if our children are going to turn into that someday, I don't want them. I'm not raising children in such a scary, scary world. I don't know, but home just isn't home anymore and PA is stupid. I'll rant later... AHGHGHGHGHGHGH
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[15 Sep 2006|02:58pm] |
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Butterfly Kisses. I can't wait to grow up, but I don't want to grow up at all. I want to find that guy, find the one that makes me giggle even when I didn't think I could. I'm not ready for it yet, but when I am, it will be worth the wait. I want to follow my dreams and make those in my life happy. Please Lord, give me the gift of inspiration and allow me to make other lives more enjoyable. I feel like a chained bird. I want to fly.. soar above everything that I've ever done, but somehow I can't. Why? Don't ask me. I don't know. I want to find my one true love and raise the children I've always dreamed of. I want my heart to flutter at the fact that life is good. That I'm happy... one day... I swear one day I will soar, but today I'm still learning how to fly.
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[01 Sep 2006|07:54am] |
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School started. School sucks. That's about all I have to say folks.
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[30 Jul 2006|01:50pm] |
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frustrated |
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So I'll be leaving to go back to WC and finish my last week of session in about an hour. (not looking forward to that) I figure I should probably get my work done that I failed to do all weekend because of sleeping in, hanging out, and helping my aunt and uncle move. I'm ready for this week to be over ... almost ready for the fall semester to begin and trying not to count down to the days left till FL. This week looks like it might be hectic, but at least then it'll move faster (I hope). I've feel terrible lately... I'm not sure why, honestly. I feel miserable on the inside, yet I'm happy on the outside. It's even fooling to me, most of the time. I had a lot of fun with Elly last night, but something about last night made me miss Glenn more than I have in a while. Dunno why, but it did. It's funny, he's been in FL long enough, it's hard to remember what his hugs feel like anymore. :( I felt awful yesterday as I talked to Glenn, I know that he hates it when I go in circles about our relationship.. which I did again...*sigh*. We had a decent amount of fun playing Literati last night and I started reading his book (which you should all do too!). I'm hoping that when I go down to FL he can bounce ideas off me and really get flying. I could never write a book. I have no patience. God knows I'm sick and tired of waiting for FL and to find out where Glenn and I are going to go relationship-wise. *sigh* I really am sick of talking about it too, but life is extremely boring, therefore, this stuff just creeps up all the time. It will be nice to have the fall semester back and we can start to hang out again. I'm not sure what would have happened if he would have went to LTC. Would we even still be friends? I don't know. For as stupid as things have been, I'm thankful that I've still gotten to talk to him and work things out and I couldn't be more grateful for all the patience he has for me and how much he's tried to help me through. Whether this is "true love" or not, I do know that I love him at least as a friend. He's my best buddy.. I don't intend on losing that (hopefully I won't). I should go and get some work done. I miss a lot of people lately, I'm not sure what to do about it... I never have the time here at home to go out, and at school... well no one's willing to visit. *sigh* I just need to find some new friends... I don't like most of the ppl in the music school... and well, I'm sure that there won't be anyone cool in the SOC class in the fall. That's the only non-music class I have mind you! I just wish I could find a few more guy friends at west chester. Not because I want to date them, but because guys are so much easier to get along with than girls. More often than not however, feelings get in the way (which sucks). I just want Glenn around ... I think I've finally gained back my independence and hopefully I won't be so reliable on him if we do get back together. If we do, I think things will be much better off. I have a feeling that it might work. Maybe not for life (especially if it's not meant to) but I'm not giving up yet. He means the world to me and that's that. End of story.
** Just a note... "mood"--flirty... how long as it been since that's come along!?
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| Life is... getting better? |
[29 Jul 2006|01:21pm] |
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complacent |
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music |
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Spongebob downstairs.... |
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So things are slowly getting better. The weekend's almost up and only 4 days of class left. Thank goodness! My parents are helping my aunt and uncle move, I'm making perogies, and I just finished teaching my sister "C major". I'm waiting patiently for my trip to Florida... nuff said there. I've been thrown an extra $1,000 from WCU to pay for my freakin' tuition that just showed up out of no where... *screams and pulls hair out* Look like the money I've been saving for a nice day is all going to that. Oh well. I've been sleeping in until 11 or 12 everyday this weekend and it's been awesome. I have 4-ish papers to write in the coming week.. should I be doing that right now? Probably. I'm at a point where I'm ready to say the hell with my pseudo relationship with Glenn, maybe I can find someone better? I just don't want to. Sometimes he doesn't seem to interested in the idea of us anymore. I don't want to be that abnoxious ex-girlfriend... knowing me I will be. Hopefully things will work out the way I'd like them too, but as Glenn says "that doesn't mean it's right". And he's right... we need to do what's right. I don't want to lose him, especially as a best bud, but I don't want to lose him as my bf either. He's been good to me, I admit, I've taken him for granted sometimes and that greatly bothers me. He used to yell at me for biting my nails... I've made a conscious effort to stop lately, so far I'm successful. At least it gives me something to concentrate on during the coming weeks. I'm trying to get together with everyone back home... but at the same time, I'd rather just sit around with kenny or mom and play sonic or some other game all day. Glenn keeps telling me how far he gets on Grand Theft Auto... and I laugh. He's now "fire proof". What an awesome thing to be! LOL. I wish I was fire proof :) So I'm very ready for this session to be over, grab my grades and say the hell with it. My LIT prof is the biggest moron on the face of this planet and so are the people in the class. I love my ed. psych class and wish every class was like that... but the work load... impressive. The teacher's been an extreme inspiration though. I really appreciate all that she's done for me. I started going to counseling to try and handle everything that's going on in my life. Two things made me cry... Glenn and I, and my family's past. I felt pathetic, but such is life. I was proud I didn't leave like a blubbering fool and only teared up..I didn't fully cry. The psych. reminds me of my old piano teacher that I trusted with all my soul. Maybe I can actually learn to trust this guy? I hope so. I really need a neutral to support me right now. My sister's downstairs watching spongebob... she's an addict. I SWEAR TO YOU! She watches it nearly all day. Nuts? Yeah! Anyhow... I had to listen to her play C major for about 20 minutes straight. That was... fun. She and I were planning on going to neato burrito.. but I have no money anymore... I saved for so long and it's just about all gone. I need every cent I can get. I know my family is supporting me where ever they can, but it's still been rough. I go to school a week early (i get to hang with the marching band kids!) to start training as a DA. Thank goodness I have a guarunteed job. It's a nice settling thought. I've been hanging out with Andrea a lot lately and things have been looking up. I miss Swope (believe it or not) and well... frankly I'm ready to start the semester from hell (which is what they say this is going to be) The "make or break" semester for music majors. OY! I'm nervous, but I've already started learning my pieces and working ahead. I have no choice. My pieces are ... how do you say... INSANE! :-D anyhow... I should go finish making my perogies and do something productive. LOL. So yah.. thanks to those that have given me more support than I could ever ask for. Thanks to those that have listened to me whine and complain.. and a special thanks to those that deal with me on a daily basis and have helped me through my worst moments and tears.
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[27 Jul 2006|05:48pm] |
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my own crying |
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So here's the saddest update ever. I've officially broken up with Glenn, and then he made it more official as of last night. I love him so much, I'm not willing to say that I have a feeling "we're not meant to be" and just give up now. I've put everything I have into our relationship and here's where it got me. I'm trying to get all his things together to give back to him... I can barely play my xbox without crying because I missing racing with him so much. I had to totally revamp my computer. Change my user name from "Andy's Girl" to "Lys" and change all my pictures for facebook, myspace, my computer background. This hurts so much and I miss him like crazy. I'm still going down to FL to figure things out and see where we stand. I guess (as much as I hate to admit it) there's someone better for me somewhere. Glenn made me so happy... I felt loved and safe, I trusted him, respected him, I gave him everything I had. I don't regret it, but I feel so defeated right now. I feel like as soon as everything started going right, it all fell to pieces. All I want is to be with him again, to feel what we once had. I hate my life right now. Awful as it may sound. I do. I just need a shoulder to cry on, and that shoulder used to be Glenn. It's gone now. My whole support and strength from him is gone. I know, it's my choice, but I just miss him, I love him. I'm not ready to give up yet, not yet, please God not yet. I can't make him love me by guilting him....I can't make him love me and it hurts more than anything in the world. I wish I had never told him that I felt awkward and needed some time. I wish I had just kept my big fat mouth shut and maybe none of this would be happening. I've never cried so much in my life... I miss him so much I just want him back. Oh well... we don't always get what we want.
I miss him... February 12, 2006-July 26, 2006... I finally thought I found you.
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[03 Jul 2006|09:13am] |
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Doodle Dum... Miss the Glenn |
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Forward Motion: Relient K |
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Well, since I have no life now, because my precious Glenn is gone.... I'll probably start posting again. LOL! Anyhow... I just finished my first class that was supposed to end at 10:10... um.. 9:00 is good. I appreciate that, however I have 200 pages to read for class on wednesday! WTF? So eventually I have to go to my second class. The first class is a LIT class... which seems like cake with the exception of all the reading. I can deal. I'll let you all know about Ed. Psych. when I get back from that yet. :( BLEH! So I'm doing a little better without Glenn, however I have several fears. I'm afraid I'll find someone else. I'm also afraid that I'll become comfortable without him around. :/ I don't like that idea. It's nice to have space, which was my fault anyhow. However, I just wish that I could see him and lay in his arms. I pirated his comforter. I doubt it will smell like him for long, but it does right now and I'm cherishing it. He gave me his moose too and he drowned it in his cologne :-D yay! That *stench* still remains :) hehe. I miss Jaquie and it hurts :( At least I know she'll keep in touch! Allie's coming on Thursday and staying until Sunday! WOOT! I'm hoping that Kerry can come visit sometimes that's NOT during finals. Lol! And Jaquie said she'd come and visit too! That's a lot of sentences with exclamation points at the end. !!!!!!! :) The plan for tonight is to go to Jersey and watch some fireworks and drink some alcy :) I probably won't end up drinking. I'm really not in the mood... to be honest with you all, I'd rather stay here and do my homework and wallow in my misery (which isn't anything more than missing friends) but I know that that is probably a bad idea. I'm forcing myself out. I feel like we've broken up... lol. Except I'd be about 20340983745098723409875239434 times more upset. haha. I thought it was funny that there are 4 boys and 16 girls in my first class. One guy is a piano major (matt) and then the other is about 40 yrs. old. One is a vocal major from another school, and lastly one is an accounting major that does landscaping. (he looked like a dork!) DUHDUH DUH! (Carlos Mencia anyone?!) That's what he reminded me of... ANYWAY!!!!!.... I've been on this forcibly happy spree for the past two days. Trying to keep myself occupied and chipper. I hope that the happiness does change when Glenn comes back. I used to be like this... and I think I'm finally finding my place again. I wonder sometimes if Glenn takes that funny sort that I used to be and does it himself... know what I mean? He's the funny one of the group and I used to be that stupidly funny girl. I don't get that as much anymore. Maybe that's why I'm retarded about being happy? I dunno! I love him... sometimes he's a pain, but I do LOVE him... hopefully he misses me as much as I miss him! So... i should shut up and stop talking about our realtionship cause all you guys are prolly like "um, F you buddy" :-D Well.. I'm gonna start reading for class now.. POOOP! I'll update about 80 times more today. LOL! BOREDOM ENSUES! Love ya guys!
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| Shtoof |
[02 Jul 2006|01:05pm] |
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disappointed |
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Death Cab for Cutie (Dr. Elmore's Tune of the Week) |
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So Glenn's gone and everyone else has left west chester for the summer. My roomie and I are left. Me, well I'm the third wheel (she has a bf)I think I'm going to try and come home each weekend. I'll get bored with all the bs down at wcu too quickly for my liking. Hopefully Glenn will be stopping by 2 weekends from now. I wish that he'd remember to call me when he says he will. It makes me feel like I don't matter to him when he's with his friends back home. Maybe I'm just overanalyzing? Anyhow... classes begin again tomorrow and hopefully these will be better than last session. However, I'm done with math classes for the rest of my life!!!! :) I feel that I've turned into an angry person now that everyone has left me. (not of their own accord, I know) I just feel that when I finally get comfortable and close things get yanked out from underneath me. I could be wrong. My parents went to Vegas this past week, so I'm here watching Cassidy. I'm getting ready to leave for BWI to pick them up and then head the whole freakin' way back to West Chester. OY! Anyhow... I'm thankful for the friends that I do have. I just hope that I don't push them away like I have been. Honestly, all I want is Glenn right now and it's killing me that I can't do anything about it. I feel like sometimes he doesn't miss me as much as I miss him. It seems that he easily forgets about me, seeing as how he can't call me when he says he will. I just wish that he'd call. At least then I can pretend that I don't feel hurt.
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[11 Jun 2006|09:51pm] |
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So I haven't updated in forever. I don't even know what to update about, to be quite honest. I just finished watch Mr. Holland's Opus... and I'm working on my paper for my stupid summer class from hell. *pouts* Not much to say. School bites right now, but I have a lesson tomorrow. Hopefully that will go well. I can't wait to touch a piano again. Really start working at least. Well, back to work. I know.. uninteresting. Meh.
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[13 Feb 2006|12:53am] |
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ecstatic |
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Anberlin- Love Song |
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So I sit here, happy as a clam for the first time in quite a while! I have my best friend back... thankfully Allie and I have worked all our problems out and life's looking up. Also, about 12 hours ago Glenn and I decided to make ourselves "official" as it were. "Exclusive" as he likes to call it. I really am blessed to have both Glenn and Allie in my life. For as much as our relationships have already been through, I know how much they love me and I, them. I can't begin to tell you all how blessed I am to have such good friends... and to have a boyfriend that truly loves me for who I am. It's a nice change of pace! *dances* today is a good day!
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[10 Jan 2006|10:26pm] |
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I'm not really up to typing tonite. But i'll be honest: this break has been good for me. I've realized a lot of things. I've realized that I need to practice over break... and that Glenn isn't the guy for me. He's my brother more than anything. I'm so over him finally. I have a sweet attraction to my first bf.. we both miss each other..I doubt anything will happen though :( oh well. Distance is a bitch. My sister's an abnoxious crybaby... and life goes on. I'm chillin at the Eckerd having a blast making fun and throwing products at fellow workers. Alyssa (my manager) and I threw stuff today. It was good times. and.. Ritz bitz are on sale this week, so life is good! I'm busy freaking out cause i have no meds for the anxiety and it's starting to eat my soul.. but that's okay. I miss my Allie, and I miss my Glenn, but I'll make due for another .. um... 5 days. Yeah, I think I can make it. I actually don't really want to see Glenn, I'm afraid that my strength will diminish at the sight, but I hope that won't be the case. The boy drives me up the wall and down the other side and then back up again sometimes. I'll probably kill him someday.lol. Not really :) I miss him, I just don't want anymore unnecessary anxiety due to the issues. We've been doing well (i haven't been freaking out lately) so I'm happy. I just need to stop looking for a guy and move on. I need to accept the fact that I'm not the dating type and eventually (60 years from now) I might find someone that loves my quirkiness. That time, is not now. Tomorrow isnt look good either I'm almost all packed to go back to school and I have a new roomie.(yesenia) She seems nice and she likes disney. I think we'll get along just fine. She told me about her bf.. and she's like "don't be afraid of him, he looks like a thug, but he's not, he's weird, but he's nice" lol. It was amusing. I think I'm going to like her, so I'm excited. Sad that i'm losing my single room, but excited nonetheless. It'll be nice to have someone to talk to at least. Allie and I are defintely rooming together next year :D that makes my day! I miss her, a lot. She's my buddy. I need to get going and do something that's actually productive... but yeah, I love you all!
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[02 Jan 2006|11:06pm] |
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distressed |
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Sickness is icky. I have this weird rash on my face... and my head is pounding. Is this bad?
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[01 Jan 2006|10:08pm] |
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Camptown Races: County Choir 2003 |
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Helping friends makes you feel good. :) No matter how hard it is for you to understand, no matter how hard it is to push your hatred/jealousy/anger aside, help them. They're the people that change your life and make you who you are today. Make your biggest sacrifices for you family and your friends... they'll stick with you. I won't give specifics to this incident.. it's not my place. I will say that it was probably the hardest thing I've done in a long time. I pushed aside all my feelings to make my friend feel better. For as hard as it was, it quite possibly made my night to know that I helped them. What are buddies for? If you can't help them when they're in need!
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[01 Jan 2006|12:46pm] |
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sick |
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So I can't walk.. is that a bad thing? Went to the New Years party last night and only drank one wine cooler. Definitely not the alcohol. I ever so disturbingly remember this illness. The last time I got it, I was in 6th grade and I couldn't go to the dance because of it. I've only ever thrown up 3 times in my life. That 6th grade incident... this semester b/c of anxiety... and last night. From 12-7 I threw up continuously. I'm amazed I didn't start throwing up blood. (just a little.. so it doesn't count)I took a shower and drank some more ginger ale and continued to not keep it down. I haven't eaten anything yet today, I think I might like to keep it that way. I just keep on drinking my Gingy rale and I might be okay. I feel like I've been run over by like 3 bulldozers. Oh man, sickness sucks. I IMd Glenn and was like "yeah, we're in the same boat, both our throats hurt" totally different reasons... lol. OH well! So.. my sister's downstairs screaming at my parents... and was screaming at Missi about 20 minutes ago. I don't know where this fit of anger streams from, but it's starting to get worse as the break goes on. I'm not here enough to see if it's been progressive throughout the year, but I'll tell you right now, I've about had enough. The possibility exists that because I'm home and the attention isn't entirely on her, that she's having a rough time with it. I don't know, but it's just abonoxious. She's rude and hard to handle. Maybe she's only 4, but 4 year olds know how to behave and they know what's right and what's wrong. She's a smart cookie and more often than not she uses it to her advantage. Oh well.. it's not my kid. I just wish they'd give her some better discipline that's all. My mom's pretty good with it. My step-dad... no comment. She could get away with murder. With me... she's all but locked down. I know what she's capable of... and I don't want to deal with it. I'm the mean sissy cause I discipline her. What I find amazing is that she's a perfect little angel at school. Never ever does anything wrong... but at home *phew* is it a different story. Hey, ya know, that's life. I'm gonna get back to bed now. There may be other updates yet today... I dunno. Just think, 2 more weeks and I'm scot free back to school :) *giggles and faints* yay!
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